Saying Goodbye Before Hello

This is probably the worst announcement I'll ever have to make but at 14 weeks long, during the 4th of July weekend I miscarried. Blair and I were in Colorado for my nephew's baby blessings and in the middle of the night I woke up with strong contractions. Blair took me to the emergency room and they helped with the pain, but I had already lost the baby. Of course there is never a good time for something like this to happen but it was nice to have my whole family around and feel their love and support. One of my sister's good friends gave me the book, "Gone Too Soon; The Life and Loss of Infants and Unborn Children." This book has been very comforting as it gives a gospel perspective to the situation. There have been many who have offered kind words or sent cards and Blair and I appreciate your support. My Aunt Judy was nice enough to send me these beautiful flowers. Pink roses and lilies are my favorite, so they were perfect!

I read this poem in that book and it describes my situation perfectly.

Just Those Few Weeks, By: Susan Erling
For those few weeks, I had you to myself. And that seems too short a time to be changed to profoundly. In those few weeks, I came to know you...and to love you. You came to trust me with your life, oh what a life I had planned for you! Just those few weeks, when I lost you. I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams, and aspirations... A slice of my future simply vanished overnight. Just those few weeks, It wasn't enough to convince others how special and important you were. How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning the passing. Just a mere few weeks, and no "normal person would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day. No one would, so why am I? You were those few weeks my little one...you darted in and out of my life too quickly. But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life so much richer and give me a small glimpse of eternity."

As I left the hospital at 7:30 in the morning, just to go back to a hotel room, my arms were empty, I felt empty. This emptiness won't ever go away fully but with friend's and family member's help, the emptiness has lessened and hopefully will continue to lessen. My sister sent me this quote from President Monson:

"Our mortal life was never meant to be easy or consistently pleasant. Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become refined through hard challenges, heart breaking sorrows, and difficult choices. Each one of us experiences dark days when our loved ones pass away, painful times when our health is lost, feelings of being forsaken when those we love seem to have abandoned us. These and other trials present us with the real of our ability to endure. A fundamental questions remains to be answered by each of us who runs the race of life: Shall I falter or shall I finish? To finish life's race involves enduring through challenges and trials to the very end of life itself."

We had to say goodbye to our baby before we even had the chance to say hello. But the baby meant so much to both Blair and me and we both had already bonded with it. Thanks to everyone for their love.